VACANCY

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Today, one of my best friends was left by her partner, for no apparent reason, after 17 months. She feels as if her world is ending. I want so desperately to show her that it isn’t, but when we are in pain, we close our ears. Nothing anyone else has ever felt is comparable to the hurt we are feeling now.

You and I almost ended our relationship last week, and it was terrifying and overwhelming. I cried and cried inconsolably, smashed a mug, said things I never meant to say. You said you felt trapped, that you wanted something new. That you were tired of sex with me. It wounded me deeply, and I interpreted it to mean that you were tired of me.

We made it through. Maybe it was because of my pleading, my wrenching sobs, my hurtful words, my willingness to beg.

You took me on a date. I watched you over a twelve-dollar salad, and I realised how badly I love you. How content I would be to stay with you forever. I don’t think you feel the same way.